Monthly Archives: February 2014

Rujak Bebeg!


Here comes one of my favorite foods from the past: rujak bebeg. It’s been several years since the last time I had one, since it’s getting harder to find one in the city. The seller is usually moving around from one place to another on one area, yet the number of them is gradually decreasing as well. I just consider myself lucky to find one this afternoon.

It’s a variation from the usual Indonesian fruit salad that made from several kind of ingredients, containing yam bean, sweet potatoes, jambu air and kedondong. The ingredients itself would be cut into smaller pieces, combined with some brown sugar, salt, and a hint of shrimp paste, then later mashed out together into crushed pieces.
Does it taste good? Sure! The sweetness flavor melted together with sourness from fruit and a hint of spiciness, forming a refreshing taste to please our tongue.
I really love this one!






The Knight in not-so Shining Armor


To you, the knight in not-so shining armor

No coincidence, I believe that’s how the universe rules their way on. Every little things are planted at the right place on the right time; every small little things are connecting each other to form a bigger picture throughout the journey of life. Small change at one place can result larger differences in later state; things always happen with its own mission, for its own reason. That’s how universe conspires.

It works practically same with how someone’s presence make their appearance in other’s life, which in this specific case: you.

Remember how was our path suddenly intersected into each other, out of nowhere, and without any reasons it formed some inexplicable bond in between? Love once was grown, though you’re not mine to keep. Yet, it brought me to one kind of upside down journey with your presence around. Wasn’t a very pleasant one, sometimes, I should add. There were difficult times, side by side with lessons I learnt; and my world never been same ever since. It doesn’t mean I’m being grateful less.

Later, time goes by and life drifted me away further, I gradually grow passing those stages of uncertainty. The ideas mature and shape themselves up, as the universe is finally revealing itself. From some distances, I began to see how dots being connected into each other and forming a bigger picture of destiny. The reason behind your presence becomes clearer.

That’s an angel, you carried within; sent by universe for the purpose to shake my comfortable zone and awaken what was sleeping underneath. Just like an insignificant butterfly’s flap of wings, which creates a tiny changes in atmosphere and finally alter the tornado path in another location; that’s how I would describe your presence in my life. Mission entrusted on and you did marvelously; to show me how to save myself. Or better said, to force me to save myself, then walk away on my own path. Bravely.
And as I did so, there you were, looking at my back as you once promised me to.
Before the angel inside you left and the halo vanished; then here we are, strangers once again.

This is definitely not a love letter, nor a farewell. Might be, some disclosure.
For one chapter of my life, that had reached its end long ago, yet changed me much and beyond.
Therefore, thank you, you.
I bet you know who you are.


#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-28

A Letter in a Film Script – for @imaniar2210


This is a letter for the next-rising-sta-director-to be, I believe, who happens to be a dearest friend of mine, Oktiarini Imanniar. As a fellow filmmaker, I think a letter in film script format would suit us best, wouldn’t it? So here, I shall give it a try.

A meeting room with a very long table, consist from several wide ones, were placed in the center. It was surrounded by many people with laptop in front of each and papers scattered everywhere. There was KINOI (30-something), the first assistant director stared tensely upon his screen, as many other were stealing a glance of him, nervously. SARA (26) and IMA (21) were amongst them, trying to hide themselves behind the laptop screen.

It’s been three years, since we crossed our way into another in Soegija pre-production. We happened to be assigned in the same talent coordinator department, which -just like any other department in production-…

Kinoi, with his rigid face, looked out from the laptop screen and started asking around loudly.

KINOI (inpatient)
And so how was Olga Lidya’s schedule, huh!? Secured yet? Then where’s the report of the supporting talent for Dutch and Japan Soldier???!

He glanced around, Sara and Ima hided themselves even more, whispery between them.

SARA (panicking a bit)
Ma, you called her, didn’t you?

IMA (with the same level of panicking)
Yes, but she wasn’t sure yet, she said she would check with her manager first. What can I do then?? And you, have you find any Japanese yet to be the soldier?

I searched throughout this town, you know. I only found 3 from the 10 we need!! What should I tell him then?!

They looked at each other before turned face to Kinoi hesitantly, who already stared at them piercefully. Their shoulders then shrank in fear.

…was full of unpredictability.

Thousand of people, consisted of crews, talents, and extras, were all around the place. First day of shooting was always the hectic one. Ima was busy escorting the talent from base camp to the shooting area, Sara was juggling between phones on her right hand and walkie talkie on another, yet still managing some complain from crowd of people.

SARA (frustrating to herself)
Where the hell the talent coordinator are?!!!!!

Different day, Sara was crying on the hidden corner as Ima patting her shoulder, trying to cheer her up.

And as the trouble persisted to occurs throughout the shooting time, it drew us even closer to support each other.

It was raining, two of them busy holding umbrella to secure the talents as dry as possible, while themselves were wet all over the place.

Ima and Sara were searching all over the place, BUTET KERTAREDJASA and NIRWAN DEWANTO went missing from film set. Kinoi’s anger voice was loudly heard from walkie talkie, and later another crew found them eating Soto nearby.

Sara’s face was crumpled as she faced all timeline schedule and name list of foreigner people. She was busy talking on the phone, negotiating schedule. On the other side, Ima did the same.

Still, thousand of people on set. It was pretty dark, people were a bit relaxing since it was the last scene ever. The camera was rolling, recording. Sara and Ima stood together to each other, nearby the director tent.

Two months passed in a blink of eye, the Soegija shooting day was finally reaching its own end …

KINOI (scream)
AND CUT!!!!!!

It’s a wrap! Thank you very much, everyone!

Sara and Ima jumped and embranced each other with tears of happiness.


…but not with our togetherness.

Sara, Ima, RINI, and ANTHINK sat together at Seven Eleven Fatmawati’s terrace. The clock inside showed the time; it was 02.00 am. No sign of sleepy eyes, but lively conversation. Disposable cup of coffee was everywhere, and so with bags of snacks. It happens plenty of times on different nights.

The sleepless night during shooting days were replaced with sleepless chatting night as the togetherness brought us closer than ever.

Same crowd of people, splashing water on the beach. Later as night went on, they were grilling the fish on the burning charcoal next to the beach. There were laughter everywhere. Everybody could tell what a good time they had.

NARRATOR (cont.)
You no longer been a co-worker, you are a friend I dearly treasure.

It was another shooting day, with totally different crowd. Ima stood over there, busy with her own task to do. She moved here and there, did the coordination with people, helped placing people on the set, and many more to do. Walkie talkie was on her hand, while script was on her other hand. She constantly checked between each other, looked tired but had no complain.

NARRATOR (cont.)
And there, slowly I read your world of thought and mind, understanding your passion and spirit, sensing your energy and vibes, witnessing you work in one production after another; all of them, without you even realized, were building such a firm foundation towards your dream.

Ima stood confidently with another different crew, no longer managing talent department but as assistant director. What she did was pretty much same, but she did more composedly. She was getting better and better as time went by. More dependable, she surely was.

KINOI (proudly)
Ima are getting better and reliable each time!

Ima grinned, proudly.

Nothing left wasted, all the hard work you’ve committed yourself into, as well the amount of time you’ve invested on; it shall prove its usefulness within time. You have everything on your hand, nothing to worry about.

As always, Ima was on the set. But this time, she sat in front of the monitor, while wearing the headphones to check on the dialogue. Director, now she was. There were sound man and script continuity next to her, and assistant on the set, ready to help her achieving her vision completely.

Your final school project was a proof. It might happened later than your initial planning, but on the perfect moment. Just right after you’d built all the connection you needed to and gained all experiences that would broaden your mind of.

Same location, different day, different scene they took. All the crew that supported her weren’t the inexperienced one, each of them knew well what they gotta do. It didn’t look like a school project, yet a gathering of competent friends helping each other.

NARRATOR (cont.)
I was witnessing from a far and couldn’t be prouder more. There you were, surrounding by the greatest people possible, helping you to pass the first boundary that been tied you up before you’ll be set on the wide wide world of choice.

Still, people on the set. It was pretty dark, people were a bit relaxing since it was the last scene ever. The camera was rolling, recording. Ima sat on the director tent, watching the scene carefully as it approached its end. The end that would mark her new beginning.

IMA (loudly)
CUT! It’s a wrap, guys! Thank you so much everyone!

And there went the usual excitement; the hugging and happiness tears all over the place. Relieving tears on her eyes, one responsibility was just fulfilled. She was ready to step further.

Starting here, nothing would hold you anym
ore, you’ll be free to run as fast as you want. 

Things might be unpredictable as there must be some difficulties you’ll encounter next; but worry not, you are on your way. I definitely see great things in your near future.


A writing appears on the black screen: “Director: Oktiarini Imanniar”

NARRATOR (cont.)
Good luck, Ima. I’ll be always cheering you along the way.
Perhaps I could catch you up, soon!




#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-27

Nadha Bum’s First Bleeding


This little guy just had his first bleeding scratch yesterday.


The rain just stopped as it left several small paddles here and there. It was fun, Bum walked and bent himself down to splash the water around. It was fun, before he lose his balance and hit the concrete ground by his face.
Crying, for sure, as I noticed his nose was bleeding. Calming myself down to perform the first aid, and made sure there wasn’t any major hurt.
Got some complain from his grandma and great grandma, but it’s okay. I better let himself observing bravely and falls down, rather than carrying him all day long.
It’s only a little scratch, and afterall, a scar will always be a life medal of adventure.


Not so long, he was ready to smile again. Strong boy! That’s definitely my son 😀


A Fan from the Past – Personal Letter for Mr. @justcallmejaa


How many years it’s been passed by, exactly? I even wonder if you still remember me, the noisy teenager of The Groove fan on her high school uniform from Bogor, that once, bounded herself surround you merrily, while tried hard to catch a glimpse of your attention, -wishfully. Such a very old day, when I idolized you and your band so badly, even to the point I did bother you with those non-sense conversations on unimportant topics -many times of days. It’s been freakin many years for sure, so no need trying to find me on your memory as I started reminiscing; I might be crumpled already under many other things that worth more to remember and that’s totally fine.

You too, was pressed down between my memories, as life brought me on a very distant journey. Miles away, from hundreds to thousands, crossing by seas and lands for many many years. Until this moment of discovery, a flash of recognition as I dig my drawer on the old room of mine and found old scrapbook of articles, adoring handwritings and old photographs. Of you.
A glimpse of past came arriving, brought me into thinking; how far life already took me to and transformed those silly teenager into the present me.

I giggled and smiled longingly, it’s kinda embarrassing but it’s totally fine. I was reminded, you were one significant person I’d treasured most during my teenager years. Yes, you meant a lot to the younger me, once. Kinda non-sense, it might sound but shall I prove my words scientifically? Developmental psychology does state its theory: teens are going through a dramatic change of life, which force them seeking for a figure they could idolize of. Towards this person, they would look for recognition to form some kind of self-identity. And there, towards you, my admiration fell into. And there, from you, there was acceptance that welcomed me to.

It was such great teenager years with you around. The kindness you did, by listening to my unimportant matter and silly demands, are one irreplaceable part I would always grateful of. You could just ignore those non-sense things, but you responded it anyway. This is a fact you ought to know, that what you did are matter much. Unintentionally, you’ve made those phase of my life easier.

Again, no need to find me in your memory as I started reminiscing, no need to do so. But here, I just want to express my thankfulness that you deserve, yet never been said before.
Thank you for being a part of my life this way.
Thank you for your kind responds along those times.
Thank you for being you.
I definitely owe my great teen ages memories to you.


#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-26

A Beauty, Knitted from Your Fingers – A Letter for Ms. @primtje


Tranquility, that’s what was emitted from your presence as I took my first glance towards you. Not something extraordinary bright, but your radiance glowed softly, peacefully, as it attracted me to sit on your side. Remember that night? I was an outsider, coming by myself approaching a circle of reunited friends awkwardly. Yet, it was your pair of tender eyes looking at me, welcomed me there.

I admire you ever since, and even more, as I ended up on your blog and saw your writing. It’s a beauty, knitted from your fingers. A chain of graceful thought that are coming from a lovely mind, manifesting itself through a series of magnificent words. What a blessed soul for bearing such a wonderful talent, as your chosen phrase could touch the heart of people who reads yours.

It’s a beauty, knitted from your fingers. Envying you, I should add this little fact honestly. How much I wish to have even a half from ability of yours, so then I could write as beautifully over a simply humble idea. Your words are flowing and matching itself one to another, combining to form a river and together marching to the sea of perception. You write as you breathe. It’s in your blood, it’s in your soul; and here I am, making you as my temporary goal.

It’s a beauty, knitted from your fingers. And its beauty excites me to write up once again and wakes me up over from my very long hiatus time. Reminding me for the possibility of my fingers crafting something in those kind of level, if only I decide myself to start from scratch and throw away excuses of not doing it. The beauty awaits underneath patiently, waiting for me sharpening my mind and nurturing my soul, while keep diving on the world of words persistently. Just like what you always do.

It’s not yet a beauty, knitted from my fingers, but I’m on my way there.
It’s the beauty, knitted from your fingers, which drives me this far.

Thank you, Ms. Prima.
It’s a blessed soul you have inside. Yes, I truly admire you.

#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-25

Pretty Much Disappointed


This very special guy is only 70-ish kilometers away from me now, yet I couldn’t make it to meet him there.
It’s been raining since two days ago and the Jakarta traffic is unpredictable; not to mention the possibility of flood and huge jammed. In our old times, I would care less and go right away, but this time there’s a little one should be put on consideration. At such degree, no matter how hard I tried to try reasoning myself to go, I still couldn’t let myself go.
I wish I could, and if only I could I definitely would. It’s freaking disappointing and devastating.


But a mother gotta do what she gotta do. I have to do what I must do, and prioritize what I must choose. So here I am, staying at home with my little bundle of joy; cuddling together with the rain pouring hard outside.
At least, knowing that I do the right thing, reassures me.

Universe just doesn’t let us this time, I should accept for a better reason, like always. Isn’t it?
See you again, my dear fella. I miss you most!

Love in a Cup of Coffee


Coffee is real good
when you drink it gives you time to think.
It’s a lot more than just a drink;
it’s something happening.
Not in a hip, but like an event,
a place to be, but not a location,
but like somewhere within yourself.

It gives you time,
but not actual hours or minutes,
but chances to be, like be yourself.
And have a second cup.
– Gertrude Stein

A cup of coffee is always bringing something beyond itself, isn’t it? The magical black-brown liquid isn’t just merely something enjoyable; it offers a spiritual benefit to the soul. More than just a chemical reaction, comforts us deeper than just the caffein, but a philosophy to define our existent emotion. Silently. Gracefully. Lovingly. Tenderly.

Just like a cup you had previously, a black one with no sugar. Dark and bitter as life, it was. Yet, in the implicit of moment, it offered you an acceptance; a temporary shelter to your feeling. No question being asked, nor greeting being said. On its mysterious journey triggered by a cup of coffee, you accepted yourself to let it be; life could be bitter and it was fine to agree. There was her smile to sweeten your day still, she alone are enough to be.
Magical, wasn’t it?

Moved to another one you had, which resembled the love you felt in a cup. At those time it gave you a soul sustenance; infused you with solemness to reflect back on your journey this far. Life might be bitter at plenty of times, as the journey went ridiculously hard and beat you down without mercy; didn’t mean you give up though. You’d bounce back, again and again, and ordered another cup of coffee, -once again-, after all.

Bitterness is a certain part of life; it’s imminent, yet is needed. To glue together and sharpen the feeling and emotion inside; to broaden the sense and see within, to look for strength and find the richness underneath, to feel the willingness to abide on a spiritual journey, to transform yourself into a better you. That’s what life, and coffee, offer you to be.

And you know what would comfort you most about it? The awareness of knowing no matter where life takes you to, there is always a warmth ready to reassure you. There’s always be a cup of coffee, offering you love and contentment.

To such degree, you know things would get better. Soon, after you finish your cup of coffee.


#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-24

Double Grand – Bonding Time


My father’s pancake is exceptionally great! As a child, whenever I saw him entering the kitchen, I would follow with empty plate on my hands. Though, at the end the plate would lose its function; since whenever he finished one, it would go straight to my mouth. Pancake has always been his speciality.
Moreover, it’s always be symbol of our father-daughter’s bonding time, where we would standing together in front of the stove; just the two of us.

It’s been years, and today he finally made one again. For his only grandson, where they both standing together in the kitchen.
And this is it, a perfect pancake with honey jam on top; new symbol of grandfather and grandson’s bonding time.





That was one rainy afternoon I would treasure for; a time well-spent with the two heroes of my life.
Love them most!

To Love Somebody You Couldn’t Have


To you, whose love fall on the wrong place.

To love somebody you couldn’t have, that’s one of most painful thing possible. To realize there is no hand that would meet yours, whenever you try to reach. To stand silently alone by yourself in the crowd, while looking on his back longingly. To put down yourself on the shadow, resile the existence of your feeling from the world. To realize it would be a pointless journey over and over again, with no sight of future in your vision ahead. To accept the fact, there would be no knot for you in front of. Isn’t it painful?

To love somebody you couldn’t have, you might be justified yourself with the reason that love itself is enough. Neverthless, if you have a moment to silently draw yourself to ask this very question: are you truly happy?
It couldn’t possible to be happy over the simply “it’s enough to love him”; we are inevitably a selfish being. That’s our nature, isn’t it?
Yes, love was enough. At first.
Then, as time goes by, here comes the demand: to be loved back, a labeling relationship, acceptance, acknowledgement, to be the one and only, vision about future, and more to come. Having no right to demand it, doesn’t mean you don’t.

To love is a dare; where hope and despair are walk side by side to each other. To love somebody you shouldn’t love; closely same, but hope are being blindfold on the never ending journey. It’s just like a game within time, until you feel enough of the fold that covering your eyes to the future and finally remove it for good, then turn your back towards and walk away.
Theoretically, so.

Still, when you do love somebody you shouldn’t love, it’s binding. You don’t just walk away, when you’re told you have to. You can’t just let it go, even you know you deserve better. You would hang on there, though you know it brings you nowhere. Yet, again, you would convince yourself that love is enough.
So once again, you’re back to square one. Every other time.

But worry not, it’s okay. Love will find its way. It comes at a right time, and goes away in a destined moment. Within the pain, love carries a mission for you to grow up during the circumstances. That’s the life lesson you should learn in time; and once it’s fulfilled, love knows its own time to end and open the path for the new one to mend.
This time, somebody you could call: my own.

That’s what I always believe in.

#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-23