Dear Aa Anton
It’s been years since you passed away and left us with no words of good bye. Almost eight years ago, but the memories of you still live within. That just shows how special you were.
I remember the first day I saw you during the orientation in the university, and got my eyes locked on you ever since. You were shining so brightly, stood out perfectly among crowds with your kind of gestures and passionately eyes during your speech. Full of admiration, I made a wish to have chance getting know you better and staying closer.
It was granted, and I’m still considering it as one of my luck I should be grateful about.
You’d been a very reliable brother, whom presence I would search for asking some advices. We would sit, walk, and spend times together from none-sense matters to greater causes we were concerned about. I remember perfectly how I would run towards you in the morning just to share my stories, and there, you would listen seriously like nothing else matters and magically made things easier to bear and solve.
Those were times when life was kind. Nothing else matters more than our dreams, passion, spirituality, and idealism, which we would fight at. In those brief of times, you were always being the only person I trusted most. Back then, I was a very shy person with no self-confidence, but it was you, who lifted me up and reminded me about lots of talents I possessed. There’s no star out of my reach. You were the very first one who believed me, I could achieve anything, as long I fought my best.
And after a while, somewhere deep in my soul I made a promise to you in discreet. I would fight my best and become something beyond you could imagine of, so later on after we lived separated by our own, someday I would still run to you to surprise you. Telling you my story and thanking you for making me able to achieve it, thus, I would make you proud of me. Couldn’t wait to witness you smile widely cheek to cheek from that.
But then the day was come, the unforgettable November 25th 2006, the day you’d gone forever and left all of those unspoken.
I know regret only brings us nowhere, but even after years after, it still pierces my soul deeply. I should not just wait, I should know better there wasn’t any guarantee for tomorrow. I should have told you, how much I do proud of you. I should have let you know directly how much your presence being means a lot for me, to the level that I feel so blessed for having you in my life. Even just for a while.
As for now, after these eight years without you around, I still firmly believe: you’re still watching over me from heaven. There, you would still smile proudly to what I’ve been through and for what I’m still fighting on, while humming “Apik, Sar, apik… ( good, you’ve been doing great)”
It’s almost eight years after your depart. Your body might already disappeared, but not with your spirit nor memories.
You’ll be still living, in my heart… Always.
No matter how many years after, because nothing that is loved can ever be truly gone. It applies to you.
I miss you, A’a….
Sampaikan salamku untuk Yesus di sana 🙂