An Inner Monologue With Loneliness


People says, “Loneliness kills!”
I said, yes I did agree once, you kill. It’s been scientifically proven though, you are a serious health risk. Do you know that your probability of killing is comparable to that from smoking, and even twice as dangerous as obesity? You affect directly to human’s immune function, and contribute quite much to heart desease. You do kill and that’s not a metaphoric phrase.

Frankly, I couldn’t care less over those points above, I just mean to search it to emphasize my negative sentiments over you. Remember, as a matter of fact, we’ve been in such quite a bad relationship before. It’s been such a devastating journey to run away and hiding from you every single time. No matter how hard I tried to run far and find any companion to hide from or beat you, you’ve still found your way to sting your poisonous feeling. The awareness of the distant connection of surrounding, while the emptiness rose up, filled the air, and suffocated us from inside. It was painful and disturbing; it was scary.

I didn’t want to be killed, I wouldn’t let you do that; so I ran away and hide. Again and again, over and over again. Harder each time.
Yet failed worser every other time.
To one point of life, I was in completely defeated. There wasn’t any other way to run, there wasn’t any other place to hide, not need to mention a person to complice. Alone and tired, I sat down and prepared for your last blow that would finally kill me.

Then there were you, sat together in front of me. Just like an old long lost friend, a close one that apparently understand me well. For the first time, I had my chance to observe you carefully; hey, you wasn’t as scary as I remembered. Evenmore, hey, I didn’t know you could be this beautiful. An enemy I’ve been fighting off, showed up as a lovely understanding friend, who gave me chance to be myself.
It was raining that night, and the sound of water drops filled the air just right in harmony with the silence we had. No words spoken, but it was indeed one of the most beautiful night that pierced my memory deeply. So cold that night, it was your embrace that warmed my heart so and comforted me walk again. Over a glass of red wine in one small alley, I finally saw the beauty of you and made peace with myself.

People says, “Loneliness kills!”
I differ to disagree. It’s not you who kill; it’s ourselves. No poison you are carried within, it’s already inside of us. Our incapability of dealing with you, our tempt to run away, that kills.
You, not.

Thank you for being around.


#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-20


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