Wasn’t feeling well recently, I bet it was pretty easy to see. There was a big hole inside of me that dried up all the spirit out of me. Losing appetite, to the point I need to force myself consuming something in order to survive. Sleep deprivation came occur, as I finally understood what the real insomnia means. Disturbing. Things turned upside down; no matter how I tried to stay strong, it stayed for a while before all gone soon. Seriously, maintaining the positive vibes are tiring, so much of energy consuming. It’s easier to give up on negativity and let the devastating pain take the whole control; pitying self, torturing body, and complaining all over.
As it started affecting my temper towards my little Bum, I knew I was in urgency to do something. The soul needs to be recharged, the positivity needs to be powered up, the energy inside needs to be replaced. But how? Talking about recharging device means to plug it into a power cord; but to charge the soul that has run down the positivity, where should we find the energy to fill it once again? I’ve been looking the answer for days, searching for an option or two, and having fun with friends like I used to do; still, the anxiety ruled over me. Beaten up, I was. Begging for help, I did.
Hopelessly trying, there is one secret beach I knew. Hidden itself behind the steeply hundreds of stairs, it was almost nobody there, it was a virgin one. White sands and blue sky, with the crystal clear blue greenish sea in the surface; it’s all isolated from the crowd, storing the majestic amount energy of nature. The sound of waves called my name, the forest that covered its place sang its invitation. “Please come,” they said so, “We have plenty for our own. Seek, you will find. Ask, and it shall be given.”
Thus, there I was in one morning hop. Alone by my own, as far as I glanced. Nothing I did at first, but sat on the white sands that covering its beach. The nature greeted me warmly; the waves ran together to the shore and washed my feet, the sun shined brightly over a big blue sky, the sand tickled underneath, the glittering water reflected light on the surface, the forest behind sang a calming lullaby. I closed my eyes, I sensed every single bit of it. They welcomed me home, and somehow it was deliberating.
Through its warm peaceful greeting, the emotion I’ve been pressing under suddenly found its courage to let itself out of my chest. Out of nowhere, I ran to the sea. It was anger, I screamed upon. It was disappointment, I shouted about. It was frustration, I squealed into. Bluntly, as there’s nothing could hurt us more than people we love most. In the middle of the sea, I let it out freely. Tired of repressing, nothing to hold any longer.
It took a while before I stopped and calmed myself down. In the brief of moment, the last tears fell down. I cried, for I finally accepted. There was devastating pain and insecurities, but no matter how hurt I am, the love I have would stay there still and nothing would change over that simply pain of mine. That’s the truth I shall admit, as a part of unfair fate should be permitted.
The chest felt lighter afterwards, the breath consoled itself. In the moment of silence, I glanced around and realize: this beach is storing a beyond huge amount of energy, as they been preserved by the universe itself without humans intervention. Cleaner the surrounding, greater the energy. After all, universe itself is consisted from a sea of energy. Everything was being made from the same essences: the sun and the stars, the sky and the ground, the sea and the land. Human is no exception, there’s no separation. During the moment of insufficient, all I need is just reconnect myself to the universe itself and ask for a fraction of its energy to be shared.
So I did. I blended myself with every sense of energy I experienced and got surprised by how theirs matched with mine. Every single entity shared a fraction from what they had; the shining sun, rushing wave, tickling sand, and the calming forest. A tiny bit from each, combined into a more than enough amount for me to survive; the energy inside was recharged completely to the fullest state it possibly be. Gratefully, I opened my eyes to offer a thankful bow to the surrounding. This time, I knew I’ve been saved and the rest should no longer be a case.
The anxiety might still there, and so does with pain; yet, it wasn’t as devastated as before. Acceptance is a life-time process, as long there’s a plenty amount of positive vibes within me, it should be fine to deal with. After all, there’s nothing I could lose anymore; it’s been long gone since before. Nothing to afraid of.
Then I walked back home, and finally could enjoyed my plate of meal once again. Things will gradually get better, for sure.
This just another start.