Monthly Archives: April 2014

What Comes Around


Two months ago, on the process of joining #30HariMenulisSuratCinta, I wrote this post: Secrety, those was a letter I addressed to a woman, whom her writing inspires me much.

Following her pregnancy and motherhood journey, it was always a lovely thing to read. Very humane, not a pretended perfect mom with all those parenting tips and whatsoever. Not an easy journey obviously, but she took it bravely and stood strong for her baby. Despite her flaws, she gave her best shot throughout times.

Reading her posts made me realizing about mother’s unfair nature. We made all the difficulties being solved smoothly so all the hard works went unnoticed. People forgot to acknowledge it, people thought we made it possible as easy as we breath. So, moved by spontaneity, those was a post I wrote as an appreciation she deserves. A reminder during one of the frustrating days she might encounter in the future, that no matter what others said, she is a great mother.

Apparently, she changed her twitter account’s name just when those post was up and those letter got drown in the middle of rushing timeline. I remember I was telling myself, it’s okay. Somehow I believed, the letter would find its time, the better one, to finally find its way for her. Maybe she didn’t need it just now, maybe later; I let the universe decided. And so, time passed by and I’ve forgotten what I wrote anyway.

Fast forward to present time, life’s been ridiculously hard for me recently. Nothing was going right: messy house, discomfort situations, non-stop baby crying, future unsureness, no time for everything, and so on. All was pilling up, causing me to lost control of my temper towards my little Bumi often and it made me worser even more. Frustrated and overwhelmed I was, even to the point of kinda hating myself for cannot doing anything right. What kind of mother I am, I questioned myself terribly.

Been crying and praying for a sign of help, yet it came with a sign of notification on my phone yesterday. More than surprised to see the very name I never expected was commenting my blog post, saying thank you. The very person I’ve addressed the letter in the first place. Two months apart and finally the letter found its way to her as what I always been believing. So relieved, I was.

Further more, we could take it as coincidence, but I believe it wasn’t. As I read her comment, I reread the writing all over again. And I cried.
I forgot what I’ve written there and reading it all over again lightened up something within. Yes, house might be left undone, things might go wrong, we might be judged (even by ourselves) as an incompetent one, but it doesn’t matter. Despite all flaws I have, I’m also a great mother, who give the best of everything I could. All these times, I’ve been doing extremely great; I should hold unto that and keep going strong.

As surreal as it could be, the reminder I sent to others, comes around as a reminder to myself. My own encouragement words found its way to encourage me in return, just right in time when I need it most. As always, the universe has its own magical way of life arrangement.

What goes around, comes around.
The love I receive will always equal to the love I give. I shall have no worries.
Terima kasih, Semesta
Kembali aku percaya



Road Trip to East Bali part 1


“Am I happy?”

That was the question I asked myself in one morning with messy house and non-stop baby crying. Not that I was being ungrateful with the life I have, but that day I knew I wasn’t. Something was missing; the stress has been pilling on. I looked around and envying people on their adventure, I lived by the words “I’ve been there. I used to too.”

Yet then, it stroke me just like a lighting thunder of realization. I paused and asked myself, why should I spend my present times trapped by envying my glorious traveling past? Why didn’t I make it come true once more? Need some adjustment and put some considerations, with greater will this time, yet it’s still possible to be happened all over again.

So there I was. Just seconds after I had that in mind, I packed our stuffs, bought some possible precautions, and jumped all the way to the car. Together with the little one, a far spontaneous journey to east of Bali was begun.


Yeah, East Bali. It was well-known for its beautiful infamous beaches that rarely visited by domestic tourist. The characteristic of its beach is pretty much different from any on other sides of Bali: some places have a rocky beach instead of sands with deep blue colored water. Plenty of snorkel/ diving sites for sure with exceptional scenery along the way. I’ve been keeping some destinations in mind, yet never really found some time to drive all the way there. Before yesterday. Before the adventurer in me revealed herself all over again.


The sky was definitely blue that day and my first destination was Padang Bai. Approximately around 55km from Kuta area, crossing the By Pass Ngurah Rai and Ida Bagus Mantra ring road to the east. This site is well-known as a harbor for fast boats trail to Lombok, Gili, Nusa Lembongan, and so on. Nevertheless, there are many small traditional boat, known as jukung boat that ready to send us to diving sites nearby. Just what I did to begin the journey.



Bargained with the local, whom surprised much seeing me going alone, I rented the jukung boat for me and Bumi for Rp 150.000,-/ trip. It took me to another secluded beach I’ve been setting my eyes on: Blue Lagoon Beach and Tanjung Jepun. Just too bad the wave wasn’t on our side, it was pretty harsh nearby the beach so the jukung couldn’t get us to the shore. Didn’t really matter though, the view was still breathtakingly stunning.






Therefore, we stopped in the middle of the sea next to the beaches. The water was greenish blue, covered with peacefully beautiful view. In tranquil soothing drift, we jumped out and enjoying the calmness of the sea. Me with my rented snorkeling equipment and the little Bumi with his own yellow floating vest, which I brought along with us throughout.

Surely, this was his first trial of swimming in the middle of the sea, far away from the land nearby. He looked shocked at first by seeing he was surrounded by water everywhere, but just in minutes he smiled widely and laughed happily. Excited, he was. There were so many little fishes swam close by the coral reef down below, as he mesmerized by looking those kind of scenery. And as for me, being under the blue is always relaxing. This spontaneous trip has begun itself perfectly!







Done with the water, we took the shower and ready for our next destination on the list. Around 15km away from Padang Bai, we were heading on to Tenganan Pengringsingan village in Manggis district. Again, it was a journey to a nowhere by crossing some kinda like forest and small road, making the time on the road exciting as well.


Tenganan is one of several ancient villages in Bali, which usually called “Bali Aga”, and still holding their native tradition and lifestyle strongly. The buildings are still in their ancient construction style, some are made from old brick without adhesive cement. As in their communal life, they have been maintaining their circle close by forbidding the locals to marry people from outside the village itself. As we walked around the area, there were many woman still making and producing the hand made traditional woven products. That was surely an interesting place worth to visit, seeing Bali in different perspective glasses beyond its beautiful beaches and amazing scenery. Will definitely be back on July 15th, as they would held a big celebration of “Mekare-Kare“, the ritual of men fighting with Pandan leaves on their hand. Cannot wait!









It was already at 4pm and we still planned to reach our next destination point first before dark, Taman Ujung Soeka Sada, which was still another 20km away. I tried to drive as fast as possible, but the road in East bali is pretty small and hilly. On our way there, we passed by the Candidasa Beach. That was the most far I’d been in East Bali before, and I was challenged myself to see how far I could go further this time.

Candidasa isn’t a beach where we could swim on, but the scenery it has is exceptionally beautiful. A widely open space of dark blueish water with some bunch of rocky island in the horizon, where the waves rushing unto the beach covered by small black rocky coral. We stopped by for a while to snap some picture before kept heading on forward and promised ourselves to find another time visiting this place again. Renting the jukung, boating to the sea, and doing nothing but enjoying the scenery; it sounds like a very interesting idea.


Relying much on the google maps during this road trip, sometimes deceived me. It took me to a wrong direction and got me off in Amlapura City. Wandering around for a while then made a turn over, yet it was taking us lost even further to Seraya Beach.

That was the point where the journey got pretty hard: I was pretty much exhausted and so did the little Bumi. In the attempt to look for place to rest, we ended up stopping by on some beautiful villa in Seraya. Their rates was way beyond my budget, but the helper there was kind enough to let us rest by the pool for some while. Beautiful place, I should say, and I lost myself between thoughts.
There, while looking at the very serene scenery, I realized that further I go, I’m longing for a home for me to come back more. Wishfully wishing, perhaps there would be time where its door would open itself for me.




An hour of rest, finally I decided to head back to Candidasa and looked for a decent cheaper place to stay overnight. Found a good one in Temple Cafe and Seaside Cottages with sunrise view and an access to seaside with only Rp 170.000,-/night. Immediately grabbed it and took a good shower together, before we collapsed on the bed. Tired from the long journey we had, while gathered energy to continue the trip tomorrow morning. We slept soundly holding each other, waiting the darkness of the night was conquered with a bright ray of sun.




The first day of our first spontaneous road trip had reached its end. Tiring but worthwhile, yet there was another exciting things and places waited for us on the next day.

Our adventure wasn’t ended yet.

Little Yellow Sun of Mine


The sun shines brightly over a big blue sky.
Its gleam, glows.
Reflected, on the sparkled water underneath.
As insanely beautiful as it can be.


They said the sun was the shiniest amongst all.
But in my eyes, none can even compete your dazzling radiance in rivalry.
As mighty as it is, it glares continuously.
Lightened up my world perfectly, as no one ever be.




You, the little yellow sun of mine.
The solar system, where my universe revolves around with you as the center.
The warmth that thawing out my heart to walk a better path.
The graceful bless that reasoning me to live another days with a never ending joy, from now and forward.



Thank you for being born for me.
Your existence beams happiness to my life.

I Love You! – Short Story


“Luka ini, semestinya tidak perlu ada…”

Kataku, kepada dia yang terpantul di depan; sosok yang melintangkan tangan kanan di atas kening untuk menutupi matanya. Ada segaris luka tertampak jelas di permukaan. Merah lebam dan mengering, kumpulan serabutan irisan tipis memanjang pada pegelangan. Tak jauh dari sana, sebilah pisau memantulkan kilapan cahaya; sang pelaku utama yang berkilau bangga. Setiap goresnya adalah medali pengingat bahwa ada hati yang menyerah pada sakit yang teramat.

“Kamu tidak perlu semua ini. Kamu tahu itu.”

Kepadanya, aku berusaha menyadarkan. Dia hanya menatap pedih tanpa suara, kata telah kehilangan fungsinya untuk mendefisikan rupa. Kebingungan untuk merasa, karena syaraf demi syaraf perlahan mati di dalam dada. Sakit macam apa lagi yang hendak dicerna, bukankah semua sudah pernah dirasa? Sebuah luka nyata pada raga, setidaknya membantu otak untuk mengklasifikasikan sakit itu sebagai perih dan mendistraksinya dari nyeri yang tidak terdefinisi. Kumpulan irisan di pegelangan terasa lebih manusiawi dan mampu ditanggungi.

“Bertahanlah, kamu akan baik-baik saja.”

Berbisik, aku di telinganya. Matanya menatap tidak percaya, mukanya menyiratkan ragu ketara. Pandangan kami bertalian erat, aku menatap tajam ke dalam kedua bola dalam rongga itu. Aku tahu, dia sebenarnya tahu, namun binar cemerlangnya yang selalu kukenal, meredup remang hampir padam. Ia lelah, aku pun teramat tahu; hidup sedang mengajak bercanda dengan lelucon sangat tidak lucu. Drama yang tidak putus dengan senyum yang ternyata tidak tulus; palsu, wajar dia babak belur meragu.


Aku pun lalu kehilangan suara, tidak lagi tahu bagaimana menyampaikan semua ini dalam jangkauan bahasa. Dunianya yang tersusun dari balok-balok kenangan berharga yang dilandasi percaya, porak poranda seketika. Cinta buyar berlarian meninggalkan, hujatan dan penyangkalan menyisakan hanya rasa tidak berharga. Tidak lagi kini dia mau percaya, bahkan padaku yang ada di hadapannya. Kuamati dia yang tertunduk pasi; putus asa, ia terhuyung menyenderkan diri. Keningnya menyentuh keningku, tangannya menempel lemah pada telapakku. Bersandar gontai. Sentuhan tidak lagi berarti banyak; dingin, tidak tersampaikan. Aku ingin memeluknya, menghangati hatinya, namun akupun seolah turut kehilangan daya. Di dalam sana, dia mulai membangun menara; mengurung diri dari dunia, metamorfosa menjadi robot tanpa jiwa.

“Banyak cinta mengalir untukmu. Jangan menyerah dulu.”

Masih, aku berusaha mencoba membangkitkannya. Jiwanya terlalu berharga untuk dibiarkan mati begitu saja; jangan sampai seperti itu. Dia mendengus mendengarnya. Menggeleng perlahan, dia telengkan kepala, bersamaan dengan satu sudut bibirnya memaksakan senyuman. Jika rasa percaya saja sudah habis berantakan, lantas apa yang tersisa untuk sebentuk abstrak bernama cinta? Tidak, lebih-lebih tidak. Dia tidak sudi lagi, tidak sepadan dengan rasa yang digadaikan. Memang pada siapa percaya itu layak kembali dipertaruhkan?


Jawabku yakin. Dia terkesiap.

“I love you.”

Dia perlu tahu, aku perlu memberi tahu. Akan kuulangi berkali-kali kalau perlu, sejauh aku mampu.

“You’ve been doing great. I love you so much!”

Seolah tidak siap mendengarnya, kepalanya bergerak gelisah menoleh tak beraturan, namun kukunci tatapanku di sana. Biar matanya memandang kedalamanku, merasakan kesungguhannya. Dia dicinta, dia sangat layak dicinta; dia berharga luar biasa. Entah kapan terakhir kukatakan ini padanya, atau, pernahkah? Ah, wajar kalau dia lupa, wajar saja merasa tak berharga. Maafkan aku, seharusnya kukatakan ini sejak dulu; dia berhak untuk tahu, dan akulah seorang yang paling tahu.

Ada hening yang timbul dalam waktu, sebelum kulihat bahunya —juga bahuku— tersengguk menyedan. Tangan kami yang bersentuhan gemetar. Satu titik mengalir dari sudut mata, menyusuri pipi lalu menetes turun, disusul titik-titik lainnya belomba tiada henti. Suara terisak menggema di sana, tangis kami pecah beriringan. Bukan lagi karena pedih, bukan lagi karena perih. Kali ini adalah kesadaran, kami telah terlalu lama saling meninggalkan dan melupakan. Sibuk mencari dan menyanjung cinta di luaran, lupa pada jiwa yang seiring sejalan.

Dalam isak, kami bertatapan dan bersentuhan, memuaskan yang selama ini terabaikan. Aku mengamatinya lekat; setiap inci wajah, setiap raut ekspresi, setiap getar emosi. Semuanya adalah hasil tempaan perjalanan dan pergulatan panjang. Teringatkan kembali akan setiap jauh liku yang telah kami tempuh bersama; betapa sulitnya, hanya kami yang mengerti. Hanya kami yang memahami.

Derai pun mereda, sosok di balik cermin itu, yang juga adalah aku, membalas tatapku dengan pijar yang sayu. Ada harapan perlahan menyala di sana. Luka masih ada, tapi itu akan kami sembuhkan seiring waktu yang berjalan. Tidak perlu lagi dibuka-buka, biarkan mengering sempurna. Kami, —aku dan diriku—, akan baik-baik saja bersama. Beban berat sudah terangkat dari hatinya, bibirnya melengkungkan gurat tipis penuh kelegaan.

“Terima kasih sudah mengingatkan. I love you too.”

Katanya. Dan aku mengamini dalam senyuman.
Dicintai oleh diri sendiri adalah sungguh teristimewa.


*again, inspired from @__azza’s twit lately. Thank you for always reminding me unintentionally.

Happy Wedding, Dear Fella



Untuk kalian yang, pada akhirnya, saling menemukan
Lebih daripada sekedar kemudahan, kudoakan tangan yang senantiasa bergenggaman
Tidak pernah terlepaskan, sesulit apapun, selalu beriringan
Sejalan, bersisian.

Doaku untuk bahagiamu, sahabat.
I have no doubt in both of you.

Bali, 06042014

Morning Walk Amongst the Mangrove


Finally paid a visit to the Mangrove forest conservation nearby this morning! I’ve been setting my eyes onto those forest for quite a while, as I frequently passed by the area on my way home. It locates at By Pass Ngurah Rai road, just before the Dewa Ruci Statue. Precisely here. Not so far away from the center of the city, yet its hidden location isolates the forest from the buzzing crowded sound and creates some tranquil area around. It was a nice quiet place to surround ourselves with nature, another options we had beside spending time on the beaches or mountain fields.



The forest itself is pretty dense on some areas, with merely sun rays passing through, yet at another is just a brief open space. A long wooden trail is build as a bridge, so we could walk through the muddy water and enjoy the scenery freely. Great getaway place for a short walk, as it would send us to some distant world aside our own.





As for us, it was another date of our own: a morning walk date in the midst of the greenness by the Mangrove. Together, we walked the two kilometers wooden trail all the way to the most far hunt near the sea, before heading with the same amount of distance back. So proud, he walked quite far by his own little feet before he asked me to carry him up. My wish has been granted, I’m blessed with a little partner of life adventure. He alone, and I should not ask for more.




With the same level of enthusiastic he observed the surrounding. Even to the point, he walked alone ahead of me to see what was there in front. Enjoying every bit of our walk, taking glance here and there every now and then by his own curiosity. He laughed, he smiled, he screamed excitedly. So relieved was I, to see him grow happily under the sun.










Visiting a Mangrove forest is one interesting thing, and together with my little Bumi is beyond everything. Seriously considering to do this frequently as a part of our date together, a bonding time for us doing little adventure together. Seeing him being excitedly happy is a priceless thing to be.

This time, let me proudly crossed one from our bucket list —Mangrove Forest, checked—, though still there are plenty things left and many more to be added. Have no worry, the list will always continue.

Ocean of Thousand Stars


An ocean of starry sky ahead; thousands dots of tiny sparks glowed together over the infinite jungle of blackness, magically and beautifully amazing. Suspended in space, I stood underneath, with my heart skipped its beat. It was the day of silent, where no lights lightened up within the city and finally granted the darkness a chance to show up its forgotten glory.

In the vastness of the night, I saw neither beginning nor end, but flickering lights. A silent reminder of how ridiculously small our existences are, comparing ourselves to the hugeness of this universe. Every each glittering glint had been traveling itself for millions light-year apart, far away before the humanity started existing. As for each blink of its shine is presenting many constellations and galaxies in between. Our planet, no, our solar system is just one speck on a huge dust of it all. Magnificently enormous, the universe is; a massively immerse understanding.

Gazing above, I found myself traveling through the darkness; lost between thoughts. A big ocean of thousand stars above my eyes, comparing myself with them was somewhat terrifying and embarrassing. Pathetically small our existence are, left alone our problems aside; a micro part from dust, an pitiful insignificant one from a bigger picture of universe. Nothing to be neither proud nor sorry; neither sure nor worry. Just, be blessed, for being able living as a part of these.

Furthermore, I sent the chant of prayers; wondering the trace of another me in the in the parallel existences within the same universe. Maybe one was just sleeping in somewhere in Andromeda Galaxy, while the other was wide awake in Pegasus Dwarf. One might floated happily among Sagitarius Dwarf, while the other was diving hopelessly on the vast of Circinus Galaxy. Wherever they were, I wished them a happy life and love within their universe.


From the Milky Way, I stared above and put my hands up; smiled and surrendered. So small I am, so great Almighty. Have no worry, I shall see; rest assured, I shall be.

Throughout all, I shall be free.