Sara, Vitamin Ellips, dan Rambutnya [Review Vitamin Rambut Ellips Pro Keratin]

Sara dan rambutnya.
Memang ada apa sih dengan Sara dan rambutnya?

Nah, kalau bicara soal rambut, aku jadi ingat waktu aku kecil. Mamaku punya kebiasaan untuk motong pendek rambutku. Kata beliau sih, supaya mudah diatur.

Saat itu, aku kesal. Rambut baru panjang sedikit, langsung dipotong. Hasilnya, rambutku waktu kecil selalu pendek sampai aku punya obsesi untuk punya rambut panjang yang jatuh tertata cantik

Akhirnya, saat aku beranjak sekolah menengah aku bersikeras untuk memanjangkan rambutku melebihi bahu. Dan baru di sana aku sadar, benar kata mama: rambutku susah sekali diatur. Mencuat ke mana-mana, bergelombang tidak keruan.

Sejak saat itulah sampai bertahun-tahun kemudian, aku bersahabat dengan catokan rambut. Bangun pagi, catok. Mau pergi, catok. Ada acara, catok. Pokoknya sebelum keluar rumah, harus dicatok.

Bertahun-tahun terus begitu sampai rambutku kering, gampang patah, dan bercabang karena panasnya catokan. Niat hati sih mau lepas dari alat sytyling dengan memotong pendek rambut lagi, tapi ternyata tetap harus dicatok kalau mau mengembang rapih. Repotnya jadi dewasa: ga bisa secuek dulu waktu kecil. Ternyata memotong pendek rambut tetap tidak bisa menjadi solusi.

Sampai akhirnya, aku ketemu solusinya. Yeay!

Kenalan dengan Ellips Vitamin Rambut

Sebenarnya Ellips ini bukan barang baru ya, aku sudah dengar produk ini cukup lama. Tapi awalnya sangsi, karena kecenderungan vitamin seperti ini malah bikin rambutku lepek. But this time, I tried to give it a chance, because well baby, sometimes you just have to try?

Penampakan Vitamin Rambut Ellips ini cukup unik karena berbentuk kapsul yang perlu dipotek (((POTEK))) dulu untuk mengeluarkan produk bertekstur minyak di dalamnya. Dan ternyata, Ellips ini merupakan pioneer vitamin rambut pertama dalam kemasan kapsul di Indonesia, and for you who concerned, ini sudah bersertifikasi Halal dari LPPOM MUI juga loh karena gelatin murni yang digunakan berasal dari tulang sapi.

Yang membuat surprised, harganya sendiri sangat terjangkau.

Yes, untuk 1 strip isi 6 seharga 11.500 dan 1 jar isi 50 seharga Rp 82.000,- aku pikir it’s such a steal. Padahal, Ellips Vitamin Rambut ini sudah mengandung active ingredient PRO KERATIN COMPLEX yang berfungsi untuk merawat dan menutrisi rambut, sekaligus memberikan efek proteksi pada kutikula rambu. PLUS juga meningkatkan elastisitas rambut itu sendiri.

Bentuk dari tekstur oil ini juga memudahkan vitamin tersebut mudah meresap sembari memperbaiki keratin rambut yang hilang akibat proses panas stylingnya.

Mmmm… Sounds promising?

Here’s the breakdown of its further benefit!

Selain itu, varian dari Ellips Hair Vitamin Pro Keratin ini pun ada tiga macam: kemasan hitam “Silky Black” yang mengandung Pro-Keratin Complex plus kemiri dan AloeVera oil untuk rambut tampak hitam dan lembut berkilau, lalu kemasan kuning “Smooth and Silky” yang juga mengandung Pro-Keratin Complex plus Aloevera Oil untuk rambut halus selembut sutra.

Aku pribadi sih paling suka dengan kemasan pink hitam “Hair Repair” karena memang cocok dengan masalah rambutku sendiri. Varian ini sama-sama mengandung Pro-Keratin Complex (pastinya), tapi ini dilengkapi dengan Jojoba Oil sehingga memberikan nutrisi intensif kepada rambut kering dan rusak.

KUJATUH CINTALAH!!!
*kibas-kibas rambut

How it works?

Sesuai instruksi, selama hampir dua minggu ini aku coba memakai vitamin rambut Ellips Pro Keratin ini dengan rutin setelah keramas dalam keadaan rambut masih setengah kering. Produk ini kupakai dari batang sampai ke ujung rambut, setelah itu baru kulanjutkan dengan hair dryer dan catokan seperti biasa

Hasilnya?

Aku terharu sungguh.

Rambutku jatuhnya enak banget, halus, lembut, dan wangi lagi. Tidak ada tanda-tanda kering kerontang serta patah-patah walaupun kucatok setiap hari seperti biasa. Bahkan rambutnya juga terasa lebih gampang diatur, lebih nurut dan ga mencuat ke mana-mana seperti biasa. PLUS ga pakai lepek, malahan terlihat berkilau sehat banget.

It feels like a good hair day, every day.

Harus jujur, awalnya aku sempat skeptic karena aku pikir vitamin Ellips Pro Keratin ini sama saja dengan Oil-oil lainnya yang pernah aku coba. Ternyata, it exceed my expectation :’)

Jadi, kembali ke pertanyaan awal: ada apa dengan “Sara dan Rambutnya”?

Jawabannya sekarang, ada Ellips Vitamin Rambut Pro Keratin pastinya.

Terima kasih Ellips

Kalau begini ceritanya, sepertinya aku bisa nih mewujudkan obsesi masa kecilku punya rambut panjang jatuh nan halus dan tertata cantik J

Ps: Kalau ada yang mau tahu lebih jauh mengenai Ellips Pro Keratin, bisa langsung cek ke media sosial mereka yah di @Ellips_Haircare maupun facebook ellipshaircare.indonesia

 

 

 

 

Tugu to Tugu: Chapter IV Ultra Marathon

Tugu Monas, Jakarta – Tugu Kujang, Bogor.

More and less 55-ish kilometer.

Jika perjalanan kedua tugu tersebut adalah kurang lebih 1.5 – 2 jam perjalanan menggunakan mobil dan sekitar 1 jam menggunakan communter line, maka berapakah waktu yang diperlukan jika perjalanan dilakukan dengan berlari?

Lari?

Iya, lari.

Tugu Monas – Tugu Kujang. Jakarta – Bogor, lari?

Iya. Lari.

….. Edan

Well, as always. I am.

 

People said, we quite have to add a little craziness to spice up our life.

So here I am, dengan setengah terjerumus yang penuh pertimbangan, akhirnya nekad memutuskan untuk menutup tahun 2017 dan mengawali 2018 dengan BERLARI Jakarta – Bogor di acara Ultra Marathon Tugu to Tugu: Chapter IV besutan komunitas tersayang: Bogor Runners yang diadakan tepat pada tanggal 31 Desember 2017 untuk menyambut malam pergantian tahun baru.

Credits: deBrads

Sesuai namanya yaitu Tugu to Tugu: Chapter IV, acara ini merupakan pelaksanaannya di tahun keempat dengan jumlah orang-orang gila yang dengan sukarela mendaftar terus bertambah. Setelah tahun lalu di chapter III mengukir jumlah peserta sebanyak 180 orang, tahun ini meningkat menjadi hampir 300 pelari yang terdaftar. Padahal kalau dipikir ya, jarak full marathon 42 kilometer saja sudah berat, ini ultra marathon loh.

Set dah, ini orang-orang ga punya kegiatan tahun baruan lain apa, kok mau-maunya nyiksa diri di tahun baru?? (*ngomong sama kaca*)

 

And that was the most frequent question: why?

Dari sekian banyak alternatif pilihan perayaan akhir tahun: dari party, nonton kembang api, pacaran (walau ga jelas sama siapa – eh maap curhat), merenung resolusi akhir tahun, BBQ sama keluarga, sampai tidur cantik demi kulit wajah yang lebih baik di 2018…. Yes, dari sekian banyak pilihan itu, kenapa malah justru memilih berlari ultra marathon 55K Jakarta – Bogor?

Semua peserta pasti punya alasan mereka masing-masing: target personal, pembuktian diri, tantangan, dan banyak lainnya.

 

Tapi personally untukku sendiri, this was the reason.

2017 has been such a blessed year for me.

I’ve been blessed more than I could wish for, and I think I need one kind of extraordinary way to conclude everything and expressing my gratefulness.

55K akan menjadi jarak yang pantas untuk berpikir jernih, bersyukur, dan berterima kasih untuk semua keajaiban yang terjadi. Juga menjadi jarak yang tepat untuk memantapkan hati untuk menjadi diri yang lebih baik di 2018.

And 55K is gonna be quite a long way to say so.

So yes, there I was. On my way breaking my VIRGIN ultra marathon.

Wih kece banget, Sar!!

Ya, persiapan dan pelaksanaannya ga sekece alasan di atas sih sayangnya. Hahahaha…

 

Frankly said, I’m a little bit impulsive tanpa persiapan spesifik (JANGAN DITIRU PLIS), hanya bermodal maintenance badan dengan strength training dan weekly mileage sekitar 55-60K, plus sisa-sisa persiapan Jakarta Marathon lalu.

Sisanya, tinggal mental (sok) baja dan meyakinkan hati bahwa seberat apapun nanti, this should be a joyful journey.

This would be an ULTRA fun run; Fun Run kok…. Jaraknya saja yang ultra.

Capek ya nanti berhenti, tidak bisa lari lagi ya nanti jalan. Kalau perlu mampir ngopi dulu di s******s buat pencitraan, dan liputan IG Story jalan terus.

Anything, but yes, let’s make it fun.

Then fast forward to the day, 31 Desember 2017.

Dimulai dengan registrasi ulang di STO Telkom Gambir, di mana diriku registrasi ulang dan masih bantu panitia on duty jadi MC buat meramaikan dan menyapa para peserta (Multitasking at its best, babe!). Lari ultra iya, MC iya. Coba mic dan sound setnya bisa dibawa-bawa macam di gerobak tahu bulat, MC sambil lari sekalian kalau perlu.

It was fun and the hype was there since the very start.

Then not so long setelah registrasi dan pritilan gear & medical check selesai, kita semua mulai moving ke Tugu Monas untuk persiapan start.

Dan di sini drama pertama pun terjadilah.

Awan gelap mulai bergulung-gulung disertai angin kencang yang membuat peserta mulai gelisah dan mulai siap-siap mengeluarkan jas hujan masing-masing.

And yes, true. HUJAN BADAI ANGIN KENCANG mewarnai pelepasan peserta kategori 55K pada pukul 14.30 dong.

Such a memorable start, wasn’t it?

Tapi justru serunya, hujan badai ini menambah sensasi dan tantangan tersendiri, Jadi alih-alih kocar-kacir mencari tempat berteduh, para pelari ultra ini berlari dengan super semangat menerjang hujan badai.

Akupun.

Rain has always been my forte, my kind of sanctuary.

Running under the rain has always been my kind of joy, dan kali ini tidak cuma hujan bahkan. BADAI ANGIN DERAS.

(Tapi selama masih air dan genangan bukan masalah, selama bukan air mata dan kenangan yang menggenang. AMAN (#sikap))

I laughed hard and off I went on. From Tugu Monas, all the way through Sudirman Street under the heavy rain, and I felt so much blessed. Dan kerennya, meskipun begitu, semua marshall tetap ready di jalanan dan semua rungrapher masih stand by mengabadikan moment luar biasa itu.

Credit: Eldi

Persis seperti anak kecil main hujan-hujanan, I lost words to explain the joy under the rain, but indeed it was blissful.

Sampai akhirnya hujan reda di sekitar Pancoran dan kering memasuki area Pasar Minggu, di mana 28K pertama sampai dengan Check Point 1 di Depok berlalu dengan sangat menyenangkan.

I knew I was doing what I love to do and I do enjoy every steps within, surrounded with dearest people.

Rungrapher melimpah ruah sepanjang jalan di setiap sekian kilometer, marshal dari Bogor Runners dan Vespride juga standby di setiap tikungan yang menyesatkan (buat pelari malas baca peta dan buta arah seperti daku, ini helpful banget). Belum lagi support dari teman-teman komunitas lain yang fix buat senyum-senyum sepanjang jalan.

Ada Baba dari Indosweatcamp Depok yang sempat menemani sampai Pasar Minggu (plus ngasih semangka potong di jalan )

And this kind of surprise

Ada Ilfa juga di jalan 

Masuk Check Point 1 Depok 28K tanpa drama sekitar jam 6 sore, setelah sebelumnya masih sempat menikmati sunset cantik terakhir di tahun 2017.

One of the most beautiful sunset to see. 

Energi masih full, haha hihi dengan teman-teman panitia yang standby di sana, sempat mandi bilas-bilas dan ganti baju, plus MC lagi bareng partner MC kondang kesayangan, Fazri Maulana. Lokasi CP1 di Polres Depok juga luas, ada masjid dan kamar mandinya bersih; benar-benar nyaman untuk transit. Ada physiotherapist dari Physiocore juga, tapi belum terpikir kalau butuh proper stretching.  Ketemu juga dengan banyak teman-teman lain dari RUNI, Bogor, CEO, Derby dan banyak lagi. I thought all gonna be well till the end.

Little did I know, the trial began after that.

As the night came and the ultra distance started kicking; as the euphoria started disappearing and the feet began trembling. Malam menjelang, jalanan memadat dan pertarungan dengan riuh kendaraan serta lautan manusia pun dimulai.

Duh Gusti. Capek. (ya iyalah!!!!!)

Diantara serudukan angkot dan pickup yang tidak henti-hentinya menikung, tenaga pun mulai menipis, walaupun tidak putus disupport dengan pisang, cokelat, GU gel, maupun beragam supply gula.  Lupa ganti sepatu pula di Depok (hiks), dan kaki mulai berat tertatih-tatih.

Tapi somehow, diantara langkah yang tertatih, aku menyadari satu hal. Yes, I had a lot of things going on my mind along the journey: questions, resolutions, affirmations. But yet apparently, I’ve stopped questioning this what-the-hell-am-I-doing kind of question. Ternyata tidak sekalipun aku merutuk lagi “GUE LAGI NGAPAIN SIH?!”

This time, I knew what and why I was doing; this time I know where I am heading. And it’s reassuring.  Thus so, yes, I kept going no matter how hard. No matter how far. One step at time,

 

Credit: Dandi

 

Even so, knowing those didn’t make the journey easier thou. Selepas Check Point 2 di Cibinong dan melewati kilometer 42, there came the most terrible distance.

Yang tadinya masih sanggup lari tertatih-tatih, mulai dikombinasikan dengan power walk. BELUM LAGI JALANAN KARADENAN SEPI BANGET NANJAK PULA YA TUHAN INI RUTE NGAJAK RIBUT BUKAN SIH KAYAK MANTAN AJA DEH RESE (*emosik. Lemah dasar!)

Untungnya di kilometer-kilometer terakhir ini, ditemani oleh Capt Badu sang finisher NR 5 yang 3 minggu sebelumnya baru saja finish Purwokerto-Dieng 127K, kan gengsi yak kalau lemah sendiri. Dengan tenaga (atau harga diri?) yang tersisa, berdua lah kami jalan-lari-jalan-lari sampai finish berkejaran dengan waktu COT yang semakin pendek.

 

Credit: Eldi

That was the most downfall moment, yet at the lowest was the  reminder of why I decided to run these ultra distance: to be grateful despite anything. I heard it much of people said, that an ultra distance is one kind of way to talk with the Almighty Himself.

So there, I tried to find every ounce of faith to keep going with a joyful heart. Menyerah sudah pasti bukan pilihan, tapi menjalani resiko lari ultra dengan ikhlas dan bahagia ini yang mau aku upayakan.

There I kept going while whispering: TUHAN BAIK.

There I kept going, smiling.

 

 

Credits: Fathur

Masuk Bogor – Warung Jambu, disambut dengan tanjakan tipis jahanam yang membuat sungguh ingin kuberkata kasar. But I knew, I was closer than ever. Sampai akhirnya, sampai di Check Point 3 – TUGU KUJANG persis di detik pergantian tahun disambut dengan dentum meriah kembang api.For a moment, I stood in silence and smiled before I screamed aloud Happy New Year to all.

And after, the last 2.5K on the pedestrian lane, I ran again with joy under the blasting new year’ fireworks and loud trumpet sounds. To those who knew the story, buatku jalur pedestrian lingkar luar Kebun Raya sudah seperti rumah kedua dan berlari di sana seakan-akan memberi kekuatan tersendiri. Tenaga yang tadinya sudah entah ada di mana, dan kaki yang sudah tidak bisa diangkat lagi, tiba-tiba mau bekerja sama dan kejar-kejaran dengan dentum meriah kembang api tahun baru.

 

And there it was, the finish line on my sight.

Familiar scene dari Balai Kota Bogor, riuh panitia/ keluarga Bogor Runners yang menyambut di gerbang dan finish gate Tugu to Tugu yang menjulang. There was a dejavu stroke my mind in a brief second.

I remember last year, I stood over and watched people fought their best to the lane. I witnessed their joy conquering the distance, I remember how sweet the victory felt like after one hell of struggle. I remember I made a promise myself, one day I would run those distance. I promised myself to run 55K ultra distance to prove myself, I’m stronger than any obstacles and difficulties that tried to hit me down.

And here I was, a year after.

I’m finally done. 55K done and dusted.

 

Terima kasih kepada seluruh panitia keluarga besar Bogor Runners, sahabat-sahabat RUNGRAPHER tersayang, teman-teman Vespride, physioterapis dari Physiocore, Pemkot Bogor, Polres Depok, dan semua sponsor serta pendukung acara yang tidak dapat disebutkan satu per satu yang telah menjadi bagian dari perjalanan luar biasa ini. Sebagai panitia Tugu to Tugu: Chapter III yang kini menjalani sebagai peserta, aku dengan sepenuh hati berkata KALIAN LUAR BIASA KEREN. Perjalanan ultra bukan perjalanan yang mudah, tapi kalian menjadikannya lebih ringan dari yang seharusnya. Semua rapih dan memudahkan perjalanan, aku sebagai pelari pun dimanjakan. I’m losing my words to describe how AMAZING you all.

…

Dan akhirnya untuk menjawab pertanyaan pembuka di atas: berapa waktu yang dibutuhkan untuk menempuh Tugu Monas – Tugu Kujang dengan berlari?

There my personal answer is, 9 jam 50-something menit.

Bukan perjalanan mudah, tapi perjalanan yang terberkati. Dengan senyuman dalam kesulitan; dengan rasa syukur yang dipanjatkan dalam kesukaran. Dengan sahabat dalam kebersamaan; dengan keluarga dalam perjalanan.

Aku telah berjuang sebaik-baiknya, sebenar-benarnya.

Tuhan baik. Tuhan selalu baik. Aku hanya perlu lebih percaya.

Thank you 2017 and welcome, 2018.

I love to see the honesty of people’s heart.
To understand the mystery of their bizarre mind; to dive in history of their twisted thought. To apprehend the truth within their told-lies, and moreover, the reason of why was so. To know the driven dreams that kept them going; to encounter their worries and insecurities that kept them at night, awaking.

I love to admire the stars shine within their eyes.
To skin off the layer after layers of their hidden side that being kept in the bottom cave; to compile the lesson learnt in between heartbreaks. To feel their flaws and fears beyond the shield; to touch the story of the scars and feel how it heals.

I love to fall within the deepness of someone’s soul.
To appreciate the good within their bad; to hold the perfection of their imperfections. To grasp their lust and desires; to sense the reason beyond their smile.
.
I love to stare right into their eyes and see the beauty of their sparks.
To meet that kind of experience, it’s always been a privilege I’m thankful about.

Beauty Path of #colorfulSara

Is there any woman out there who doesn’t want to be prettier?

That’s the basic instinct inside, which happen to be a default part on every woman’s mind. Though, it might be buried and pressed down underneath, due to many reasons around. Just like in my case.

No, I never been a make up person before, simply because I had no interest on. Pointless, I thought, as my previous works required me to stay and move around under the sun most of times, which definitely caused my face oily and sweating all day long. So I couldn’t care less to put any, let alone about how to do it properly. Denial, I told myself I was quite attractive enough with my smile only. Didn’t they say that smile was the best make up any woman could possibly wear?

And so, years after years, my make-up kit has been consisted of the same short list of beauty items. It never changed. The same compact powder, black liquid eyeliner, natural blush on, lip gloss, and bright red lipstick, that I rarely wore.

I was once being made fun at, when one old friend of mine found out that I still used the exact same stuffs I had some years ago. She pitied me, yet I thought there were nothing wrong with it.
I didn’t care.
For I knew for sure, if I truly into it one day, no need anybody to tell me what to do and what to get.

Which I proved was true.

After the big storm at the early of 2014, due to the urgency of starting a new chapter of my life, I’ve been trying to step outside my comfort zone and searching for any sides of me I never knew existed. There, I was quite surprised by many discoveries I found, as the hidden part was revealed one by one. The joy that make-up brings was one of them, as I fall in love instantly with its colorful magic.

At the very beginning, I’ve been learning autodidact from many beauty advisor in every make up store I visited. Absorbing the function of many items I never cared to know before. Slowly, I put one after another on my list and causing the sudden growth of my make up kit.
The picture on the left was the point where I started, while the right was a month after. Below was six months later, and the rest was history.

Didn’t stop there. Not yet.

A private make up course with @lady_pon, a make up artist, was the beginning of everything. I met her accidentally on instagram and universe arranged our path to meet by our matching schedule. She introduced me to completely wonderful world of colors and magic I never knew existed. Followed by several make up class with Make Over brand, where I tried to get used with the basic skill one by one. Not to mention, the countless night I spent in front of my make up table after Bum was sleeping; just to practice with the colors on and wipe it afterwards.

History repeated itself, once the curiosity inside me was evoked, I’d eagerly learn. And once I wanted it, I took what I wanted seriously. So there I was with the point of no return.

This is just a beginning, of a long long winding road of my beauty path. Well, at least, it will be such a colourful journey 😉

And if I look back, I think it’s not about make up itself. It’s about self-satisfaction. About being pretty and feeling good about myself. About deciding to self that I’m beautiful and then I can carry out my life as if I am a beautiful girl with any pretty colours that makes me happy. About believing, that it doesn’t have anything to do with how the world perceives me, but how I see myself.

I still have nothing against my bare-face and still strongly believe that smile is the best make up women possibly wear. The true beauty shines from the inside, but the right make up will enhance it beautifully.

After all, nothing makes woman more beautiful than the belief that she is beautiful.
So let’s be pretty, shall we?

Two Years With You

Time flies in the blink of the eyes.

I could still remember it crystal clear, the dawn when you were out and dived down bravely to the water on your birth. So tiny and fragilely small. Helplessly weak, you sought for the only warmth you knew. Me.

I became the one you depended on. The only comfort you understood. The life you were created from.

The figure you reached your hands unto, as you grow day by day.

Little did you know, it is quite an opposite of.

I’m the one, who actually depending myself on you. The tiny little hands I would reach during the most tribulation and suffering. You are the only reason I’m still standing here, to love and to protect you, That’s more than enough to keep me stronger than I could ever imagine. No matter how hard life’s been trying to bring me down, your laughters are the greatest cure above all.

The ultimate source of my blessed happiness, you bring out the best in me and saved me million times already.

I’m forever grateful that you come to my life. Forever blessed that you are a part of me.

Happy birthday, kesayangan!

Two years and still counting to many wonderful years ahead.

I must have done something really good for deserving you here 🙂

Decluttering; The Art of Letting Go

Being awfully sentimental, I am. I found difficulties in term of letting go. Of anything.

It could be people, things, belongings, and memories. But as I lately learn to detach myself from people who contributes nothing but bad vibes in my life, then things and belongings should be served identically.

Simplifying life project. That was the concept my partner brought couple days ago that ignite the idea within me. He once had the mission to cut down his belongings, starting from his own drawer first. Removing clothes he had, by only keeping some basic pieces he actually needs. Like three sheets of T-shirt, one formal shirt, and sort kind of stuffs. I remember stood in awe, as I really couldn’t picture myself surviving with only some pieces of basic things.

Yes, there were tons of things had stayed hidden underneath the pile of dusty clothes I never wore again. But throwing it out? Seriously. What if I suddenly need it? What if there are events require me wearing those? What if I become a bit slimmer so it would fit me better? Too many ‘what-if’ I’d used to justify myself on keeping it still, as I found no urgency to reason me why I had to do so.

But, well. Confucius once highlighted the point how life was really simply, yet it’s us who insist on making it complicated. We expand choices more than we actually should, broaden options more than we supposedly need. So many things are being kept for the sake of keeping it, not by the function it genuinely served. Being hardly hesitant to let go is one reason of, in which contributes much of complicating life itself.

So at one point of thinking, out of nowhere, I suddenly felt that was the time to let go. To master the art of letting go and to get rid anything that binding me on some irrational reasons. Second that I realized, I already stood in front of my drawer, while throwing out one piece after another. There were some moment of reluctant, but surprisingly, it was much more easier than I thought. It didn’t take too much time to finally cause one huge pile of clothes on the floor, leaving a recognisable empty space behind.

The hardest part was throwing the emotional knot away. It was the essence of memories that left within the clothes, which froze me several times. A given piece from dearest person, a souvenir from memorable faraway trip, a specific one that being worn on special moments. It wasn’t about functions it served, yet memories it revoked. Once it tied closely with some meaningful time in my life I hardly let go. Blitz of memories flashed by, an awareness of how it once matter but it doesn’t anymore. For finally I threw it down, I detached the knot. One by one.

Proud, I should say. Though I still have quite plenty left, I’ve decluttered about 2/3 from all clothes I had. It doesn’t only simplify my life by freeing me from unnecessary knots of the past, but also limiting outfit choices I should make on daily basis. No more spending hours by standing in front of drawer while thinking ‘I have nothing to wear’ anymore. Leaving only some functional pieces, any of it will work perfectly fit. Even if I had to choose with eyes closed, I would still look good every single time. Double benefits, it is.

People said, once you simplify your life, the law of your universe will be simpler. This is only the beginning, but yes, I’m glad for being brave enough on doing so.

Now, shall you try?

Transformation!

“I know I leave a life behind, but I’m too relieve to grief.”          -Let it Go (Frozen)

Early of this year, it was a time of my life, where I drown deeper and lost further each day, to the point I didn’t even remember who I was. My whole universe was crumbled and left me broken into worthless pieces. Full of insecurities and negativity, I walked day by day with nothing to be awaited for. An empty shell, a dying soul. Until one point, I looked at the mirror with a lifeless reflection staring back at me. Hated seeing who I saw, so I began to ask myself the million dollar question.

“Are you happy?”

….

No, I knew I didn’t.

A big change in my life, I realised that I had to make it. Tired of being lost and worthless, I decided to strive my way of regaining my self-worth back all over again. A happier soul and cleaner mind; a completely better me. That was what I aimed to achieve.

People said, a good exercise contributes much to make us feel good about ourselves. It helps you to ignite the endorphin inside and make you happier instantly. So there it was, the starting point of everything. With full awareness, for the first time in my life, I signed myself unto a trap called fitness centre. I remember of not wishing anything, but only a great burst of endorphin hormones rushing over and pushing the worry out of me. In a progress to be a better happier Sara with more positively on her side, I whispered.

Discreetly, I made my own hashtag to remind me of my goal and encourage myself to keep persisting to be better. No matter how hard it was; no matter how pitch black the road ahead looked like.

#menujuawesomeSara2014

As cheesy as it might, but yes.

To be an awesome me, an awesome Sara by the end of 2014.

 

Day by day, it wasn’t like the anxiety was automatically being shed out. Yet, indeed it gradually got better as the devastating state decreased. I kept asking myself every day, what would make me happy today and I went to pursue it. Slowly but sure, a better me would come soon. I told myself to wait patiently.

In every ups and downs on the pursuit of happiness, I insisted to keep walking bravely, while trying not to care about the sign of time. Every day was a new discovery to reveal many hidden sides of me I never knew existed. From working out at gym to clean up my mind, which later led me to a much healthier life-style, to the spontaneous adventures to enrich my soul and rediscover the me-I-once-knew, then later to the growth of my make up kit to enhance my physical appearance.

Body combat and zumba classes, running sessions, fruit detox, mayo diet journey, beauty classes. Little did I knew, every little things had been added up slowly to transform myself magically.

Time goes by. Slowly but sure, things change. As I’ve been focussing myself on building a better universe of me, every other things started falling into the right places. One after another. Without I realised, 2014 is almost reaching its end in about a month and so.

Then I look back to see, have I been an awesome person I wished to be?

Well, have I? 🙂

I don’t know about ‘awesome’, but I know for sure, this is what I wanna be. A secret wish that finally came true.

Physically, I transformed a lot. I lost 10kg within this year and never felt so much better than this. Not in my younger days, not even on the teenage years . Also, with the make-up techniques that been sharpened up from many beauty classes I attended, it does magic to my days. Regaining my self-worth and confidence back, as well as opening new windows of chances.

Mentally, I grow stronger and wiser, yet even more gentle. I learn to appreciate people more, to embrace, and to let go. Also, I learn to detach myself from complicated people and negative emotions. Believing that I have the right to choose my happiness and take care of my feeling, above what others might think or feel about me. The point is, I would never be good enough for someone who doesn’t appreciate me the way I am. Thus, I better appreciate myself more. Life becomes much more simpler and lighter that way. And as for things I cannot change, then acceptance is a life-time process of learning. To a person that matter most, it’s all worth it.

Seeing who I am and comparing her to who I was, sometimes it feels surreal. It seems like seeing a totally different life of different person. To leave it behind, so much relieving I am. God is good, God is always good. He knows I’m trying my best to be a better person each day, and His blessings are beyond anything I could wish for. A happier soul and cleaner mind, I prayed. A new me, He granted it as bonuses.

Striving to be a better me is a life-time process as well. It’s still a month left to complete the resolution #menujuawesomeSara2014, then I’ll find another hashtag to encourage me getting much much more better in the following years. But as for now, if I have to ask the one million dollar question again, I love the way I could answer confidently.

“Are you happy, Sara?”

Yes, absolutely.

 

Because I’ve fought to be so.

Scars and Ghost from the Past

Throughout our path on these long windy road of life, we’ve made so many choices in different level of urgency and significancy. Some are goods, some might bad; an over-think one, a spontaneous too. There were moments when we put so much consideration in mind, yet being mindlessly daring in some other times. At the end, it is the pile of choices we have; a stacking combination of a black and white things we have chosen on. Unto them, our small universe has been staggery built.

The black one, of course, is the black sheep of the family. Made by a foolish dear old friend, our old-self. The immature us. The careless one, who was following the sparks, taking a risk, pushing boundaries while blinding the inner self-consciousness. By then, consequences was far beyond mind, as we tested how far the acceptable area could be compromised into. It was the one point of life, where stupid choices were made recklessly and bad things were done easily. Arrogantly speaking, we permitted ourselves to be. Little did we know, how bad our past could unveil its true self and haunt us in the following future.

Once done, then it’s done. Time goes by, moment glides by. As we grow ourselves to the present us, we learnt to see in different perspective glasses. Time has enlighten our mind with every struggles in different kind of circumstances. Gradually, it changed our point of view. Connecting the dots, we finally grasped the whole understanding of its bigger frame clearly and it stroked us to realise what a mess we’ve been done. In the front of our very eyes, we saw our universe crumbled as the following consequences of our choices. And there, from the deepness of our heart, something was cracked and bleed. Stupid we were, we hardly admitted it so. Embarrassed of, we bury them into the deepness of thought while refusing to remember its existences. Deleting the certain part of memory and leaving it abandoned in the dustily corner of our heart; hoping the wound would heal over time.

It would.

We know that.

But still, the scars forever remained. 

It stays there. A lasting mark of our pain and grief, a memento of what once was done and done. Though we refused to remember, others did not, and the memories forcefully being recalled. Haunting, as every glimpse unto it brings out the ghost from the past to torment the present us with the disturbing facts that’s been buried underneath. A failure, that’s how a scar means to us. An awful sign of a downfall moment. It stays as a reminder of our misstep and idiocy: every single mistake we did, every stupidity we acted unto. Stabbing the pain, bleeding the wound all over again. It points its finger and screams “LOSER” right in front of our face, every time. We, ourselves, are our biggest blamers. Hurts and painful as the ghost of our past glorifies above the suffering us.

But in the one brief moment of enlightenment, shall I back and differ? 

As ugly as it may, scars are, indeed, not a very pleasant thing to see. It’s jarring and shows what’s supposed not being there. Yet, it’s still one inseparable part of our journey of life; the path that finally made us, us. Focussing on the shaming side of stories, we forget to see how the scars were made in the first place. It was coming from a choice, might be a reckless one, that tore a wound within and pulled us from a comfort zone to a terrible battle of our own. Breaking us into pieces then forcing us to grow revolving ourself into a better us. We stumbled ourselves upon on, but we had no choice but surviving trouble and reassembling our world from the scratch. As time goes by, we finished up the battle and the wound closed itself. Regenerating the tissue, closing on, and leaving its mark there. 

Not as a sign of failure, but an evidence of life. Evident of choice we once made; evident of lesson we learnt in advance. Scars are a sign of growing, from the stupid-reckless us into the wiser one. It’s a milestone from the battle and struggle we once had; a personal experience that’s been shaping a better version of us. Though it might linked to unpleasant memories, there’s nothing we should ashamed of. Yet proud, instead. The scars remind us that we’ve been through a living hell persistently and back up again strongly. Wounded and injured, but yeah, survived.

Therefore, there’s should be no ghost haunting from the past. Nobody would understand it better than us, what a reason behind every wrong turn and mistaken choice. The battle would always be our own and only, as the acceptance should come ourselves solely. That’s our duty, not others, to shake hand with our past and embrace the scars. Forgiving self, that what we should do in the very first place. Having another person, who are willingly embracing the you you embrace, is just a jackpot bonus of life.

The immaturity and foolishness, we’ve all been through those stage after all. No one ever learn to fly without falling down stupidly and try again bravely. A great future doesn’t require a great past anyway, but a will of endurance and survival.

And that’s what our scars have been trying to tell us the whole time.

As ugly as it may, but it’s okay.

It’s a sign of bravery, our life’s medals of adventure.

Eid Al-Fitr 2014

Marking the end of Ramadan month, starting the brand new beginning

Renewing the spirit, filling heart with abundant joy and happiness

  

Forgiving mistakes, making peace with self and others

May the love and forgiveness fill our heart in this blessed day.

Happy Eid Al-Fitr, everyone!

Stiches of Love

Always been a nomad I am; from here to there, crossing land and seas. As I grow up, I always live some hundreds to thousand miles away from home, -a place where I was grown-, pursuing dreams while leaving memories of comfortable living behind. Home, the place, where I always feel safe and loved, with those dearly hands ready to embrace me with heart widely opened. Therefore, a trip back for visiting home is one thing I’m eagerly looking forward unto. Not only about meeting family, but also reminiscing the innocence of life I once had.

A journey to the past, that’s what it offers me. There is some kind of time machine in every single corner of everything; bookshelves, closets, drawers, piles of random sheets, old diaries, photograph albums, and many more to be found. Hidden treasure, it is. Containing stories, summarising affections.As for today, the treasure was revealed itself as I was digging on the deepest on my closet: an old vintage home-sewn floral dress. It brought me on a ride to many many years backwards, visiting back a little girl of me with so much memories of warm loving family.

Back in the days, I remember vividly, I rarely bought any clothes outside. Every once in a while, my grandma would come with some new fabric and made us new dresses. All of it had nicely beautiful patterns, which she magically turned those into sweet home-sewn pieces. one after another. I remember how excited and happy I was, while pretending to be a fairly princess by wearing it all. Yet, also I remember being grown up into a teenager and simply bored with all home-made stuff. Bored to the bone, stupidly I was. Complained, I told my parents how I wished I could just buy a trendy ready piece from the store, just like all of my friends did. Wearing home-sewn dress had embarrassing me at one point of life. And so, not too far from then, no more home-sewn dress was made. My loss.

Fast forward to the present time, just at the moment I found the only piece that last through years. Surprised, I didn’t see this coming that I would come across one again. As I ran my fingers to feel it gently, a shiver ran down my spines. How blinded I was to deny such a love like these? A very beautiful pattern that being selected thoughtfully and sewn carefully, so it would fit her granddaughter perfectly. Just by imagining it, there was a warmth filling all the empty space inside. I remember being loved so badly.

Unpredictably, it still fits me well. As I added an additional modern pink belt from my collection, it turned out nicely as a beautiful short floral dress that I proudly wear everywhere right now.

Every stitch contains a huge amount of affections; every detail proclaims tenderness. Being wrapped up with so much love like these, I feel so much blessed as I’m wearing this. Grateful to be born, grateful to be loved. Such a treasure, indeed.

Thank you, my Nana. i love you too, beyond any words could say.