Two Years With You

Time flies in the blink of the eyes.

I could still remember it crystal clear, the dawn when you were out and dived down bravely to the water on your birth. So tiny and fragilely small. Helplessly weak, you sought for the only warmth you knew. Me.

I became the one you depended on. The only comfort you understood. The life you were created from.

The figure you reached your hands unto, as you grow day by day.

Little did you know, it is quite an opposite of.

I’m the one, who actually depending myself on you. The tiny little hands I would reach during the most tribulation and suffering. You are the only reason I’m still standing here, to love and to protect you, That’s more than enough to keep me stronger than I could ever imagine. No matter how hard life’s been trying to bring me down, your laughters are the greatest cure above all.

The ultimate source of my blessed happiness, you bring out the best in me and saved me million times already.

I’m forever grateful that you come to my life. Forever blessed that you are a part of me.

Happy birthday, kesayangan!

Two years and still counting to many wonderful years ahead.

I must have done something really good for deserving you here 🙂

Mom, Aren’t You Tired?

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Working hard to the bone, yet enjoying life so little. Spending so much time on the road, yet still bringing work to do at night. Using up all the energy back in the office, yet leaving you cranky and tired just about the time you reach home.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Moving so fast in uncatchable speed, yet hardly followed by most of people. Thinking simultaneously of many things, yet your true presence presenting rarely in reality. The body might be there, but you always be somewhere else in your own thought.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Creating the ideal of everything in your mind, yet getting irritated easily when someone couldn’t fulfill the expectation of yours. Caring so much towards people around you, yet lashing out spontaneously when thing doesn’t go as the way you plan it should be.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Being alone most of times, with no friends to share your burden to, just because your trust of friend once being broken. Keeping it all to yourself, and building your thick wall that nobody able to break inside.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Standing amazingly strong beyond any possibility for other people to lend their shoulder for you to rest on. Pretending you could do all of it better by yourself without us that might interfere you with our incapability.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Us, your children, might a undependable ones. Even in your older age, you are still shinning yourself brighter than what we possibly achieve. And to your shine, we would still find a guidance light. That, you realize it well.
That, the reason you push yourself hard, still.

But mom, aren’t you tired?
We might not as superior as you, but we are really here. Not as perfectly reliable as you are, but we stand close right here. Watching from a safety distance, being scared of possibly of disturb your pace and getting lashed again, yet wishing you would sometimes look at us and realize how we’ve been longing to show how much we care.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Please, slow yourself down and look around closely. Time’s been wasted while you’ve been busy chasing over an ideality. Nothing we could ever do to repay your kindness and generosity of an easier life you’ve been achieving for us. But this present time, no matter how incapable we might look like, we want to love you to the fullest. Spending time with the real you, without needing to rush over and worrying of the different kind of ideal each of us have. Understanding each other truly, that’s what we’re longing about more than anything.

Mom, aren’t you tired?
Ssssshhhhhttt… No need to say anything. Wouldn’t just grab our hands and have a walk with us. Forget your ideality, we shall forget ours, and please hold those tiny little irritated sigh, we scare that most. We shall have plenty of time together. Let us listen to what your heart want to say, and then we might share a real things this time.
Thus, love might melt the wall down and unity us in the way we never thought possible.

We love you. We owe our life to you.
Now, shall we take some family picture we never properly have before? 🙂

#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day-15

A Letter From The Start

Hey, son…
This is a letter that once I wrote, a week before your delivery, and since then it has always been saved as a draft.
It’s a very honest piece and I think it deserves to be posted, as you might want to read this one day.
So you would know, I’ve always loved you since the very start 🙂

Kuta, December 5th 2012
Hey #nagakecil sayang, how are you inside?
Firstly, I just want you to know that I really cannot believe that you’re almost around!
39 weeks ago, I was looking forward to this day and it seemed like forever.
But now, oh my…. you’ll be around just within days away
Time flies, indeed :’)

I’ve written once before that you are my miracle…., something that impossible but happens anyway.
And now, 9 months after, I still feel the same way. You are my MIRACLE!

Remember, you once were this small on your 20 weeks :’)
And I remember had a teary eyes seeing you moving inside, so happily.

Yes, I have to say that having you is a bit surprising and out of plan, but please keep this in your mind, it doesn’t mean that you are unwanted and undesired!
Never thought of myself become a mother yet, but since the very first day I knew, I already WANT you so bad.

It’s been such a tough journey starting then, if you can remember.
Giving up Seattle, going back home with no exact plan, got into argument with your daddy, moving to Bali to start a new life…
But it’s all worth the ride, you’re just too precious for me.
Yes, there was time when I felt like I almost gave up and quit the fight, but then it was you that strengthen me.
All that I know, I have to fight for you, no matter what 🙂
And soon I’ll see you smile at me and nothing will matter any longer.

You are my #nagakecil, jagoan kecil kesayangan mama…
I have to say, having you is changing my life in a good way.
Though there’s a lot of unsure phases, lot of tears and worries, but I know all of it changed and shaped me into a better person than before.
As you might know one day, your mom ini bandelnya ga ketulungan.
I’m a flirter, a ‘kutu loncat’, ‘ga bisa diatur’, which in some ways made your dad once almost gave up on me.

I’m not proud of it, that was one chapter in my life that I hardly quitted.
But since you’re around, in just a blink of eye, you changed me 🙂
Thank you!

Your due date is on December 14th, can be earlier or later…
But anytime you feel you’re ready to come, I’m ready as well.

The world is cruel, but don’t worry, I will protect you with my life.
Grow up happily and wisely, be strong, be tough, yet still… be kind. I know you will be, because you’re my son 🙂
There will be heartless people make harsh comments about you now and then, soon or later, but please listen to this…
No matter what they say, I’m proud of having you, I’m proud of you 🙂 Nothing in this world can change that fact!
I love your daddy so much, he’s the man that I love the most…
That’s why you’re here inside.

I knew I loved you, even before I meet you.
So yah, till then #nagakecil. I guess, I’ll see you pretty soon 🙂

Mama loves you so much.
Cinta mama melimpah ruah buat kamu :*

Tons of love, to the moon and all the way back,

Mommy

So there it is.
And after all of this time…
masih selalu, cinta itu melimpah ruah untukmu 🙂

#30HariMenulisSuratCinta Day 2